Looking within

How often do we get time to ourselves? I’m talking time to set our day with intention, time to reflect on moments, time to formulate ideas and open the door to creativity. Whenever we have time alone, we jam pack those moments with outside stimuli for fear of feeling lonely. We have developed the deepest fear of being by ourselves – at least I had.

I used to jump into the car and flick on the radio or plug into a podcast, when I ate, I would reach for my phone or flip open a book. Moments that could have been enjoyed by my own imagination were being filled with constant input. I was preventing myself from time to think, time to feel. I didn’t consciously notice at first, but I was always filling up my quiet time with noise. But that has since changed and now, I am becoming obsessed with moments to myself.

This all began to change on my last job as a journalist. I had driven 45 minutes to a sacred Indigenous site at the base of Mount Beerwah. As I was driving towards Nungeena I felt peace wash over me. It was so soothing that I turned off the radio, wound down the windows and drank in the warm, damp air. My mind fidgeted. It had been so long since I had allowed it time to breathe. I was uncomfortable and afraid to observe deeper. But then my thoughts drifted to the questions I would ask the women of Nungeena. I felt more prepared and comfortable going into this interview than ever before.

After the interview, I hopped back into the car to the office and my hand was already on the stereo; here-in-lies the habit. Habits can be good, or bad. But it’s up to us to acknowledge our patterns, to improve and manage them as best we can. On that drive to the office my mind raced with the interview, I had an overwhelming appreciation for the Indigenous community I had met and a desire to learn more. When I got back to my desk, I wrote the most heartfelt and concise story since I stepped foot in that news room.

When I allow time for my mind to think, really think, I notice changes. Ideas flourishing. Creativity swirling and taking shape. My anxiety levels dropping. Food tasting more wholesome and nourishing. I’ve been observing the scenery around me, beautiful, changing and connected.

I would save time to myself for meditation, strictly on the mat. I had forgotten how to spend time by myself off the mat. By cultivating time for my mind to run free I began to develop this moving meditation.